Pathological Honesty

This is part 1 of an adaptation of a letter written to Rob Rosenberger, a fellow blogger who lives in New York.

Rob's blog is driven by the principle of total honesty and, true to his word, nothing is off limits. I am intrigued by his philosophy, but I would have difficulty writing my blog in his style and I told him so.

Much of my deep self-insight resides wrapped in code or distorted by continuous processing. Around middle school I recognized the anthropological basis for lying and gained a respect for it. Thus in some ways my mind demonstrates rational self-deception laid over intensely honest underpinnings. I have also warped my original honesty to my own perverse ends. I use honesty as a weapon as well as an honor-based approach to unfettered communication.

Sometimes these things get out of hand. I can fool myself down wrong paths, cuttingly honest criticisms can continue unchecked or I sometimes encounter the "righteous" reasons for lying when I broach something that hurts all concerned. I think my ability to lie fluidly and rationally, morally or otherwise, may have been stunted by the extreme honesty of my childhood. I am gradually learning to tell stories and gloss over details to smooth flow, but there will always remain a component of me that remains pathologically honest.