Imposters and split personalities

Marisa is my dear high school friend who until recently attended UCLA. She left on her Mormon mission for Prague this summer.

Dear Marisa,

I saw your double tonight. She looked just like you, except she was rather plump. She had your mannerisms and your smile and your sense of humor. It's only been a few months, but I already miss you so much.

She was the lead of a two part folk band I saw at a backyard show and she possessed a beautiful voice. She kept switching instruments, from a xylophone to an African gourd instrument to a ukulele and finally the musical saw. She played that saw with impressive finesse. I think I'm going to buy one.

Recently I've been thinking about my two personalities. Everything seems to remind me of them. I just finished my road trip with mom to drop Bri off at Santa Cruz. My mother only sees my sweetness and she loves me so much. I wish I could convince her that my other side is necessary, but I know she would say that it's not.

That's my superconfident side where I project charisma, competitiveness, antagonism and moral relativism. As you know, that is my ruling personality. My mom always says I'm thoughtful, empathetic, creative and honest and, to be sure, it is true. Over the years that part of me has lost ground. At Davis, I have had little motivation to utilize it.

I can't badmouth my Type A side because it has gotten me a long way. It earned me friends and respect in high school and earlier this summer it got me the phone number of a beautiful girl. I have no intention of disowning that part of me.

However, I will not pretend I am not horrified by some of the things I have done under it's guidance. I have missed or lost friends as a result of it. The way I treat my dear friend Brandon sometimes makes me shudder. I have taught him much, but I have also done my best to savage his self-confidence. I know, of course, about redemption. One could hardly live in this society and not have a firm grasp of the principle. I know I am redeemable and that doing bad things doesn't have to make me a bad person. It is time to go back to basics.

My blog is a continual joy. I've enclosed some blogs I've done this summer (I skipped a couple devoted to debauchery). Working at the lab is fulfilling and exciting. I just finished breeding my first brand new strain of worm today. I'm looking forward to classes this quarter, but I'm a little freaked about my GRE and grad application. I hope to visit Matt Wingert (in Santa Barbara), Caius (in Berkeley) and Bri each and host a large Christmas party. I'm counting weekends and with trips, parties and amazing KDVS events the season promises to be a tight fit. That's what I love about fall quarter. Stuff happens at blinding density.

Please write back as soon as is convenient.

With Adoration,
Max