On Bisexuality

For reference, a baby boomer in my life said that it was ok to be gay, but that they just couldn't accept someone who was bisexual. This is among the more outlandish things they have ever said, and I felt that an explanation of bisexuality might prove informative to them and other baby boomers.

I think I should take some time to explain bisexuality to you, since I think your strong feelings about it aren't based in fact. This is something that your generation was never educated in when growing up, unlike mine. In addition to my advantage of age, I've received a decent amount of exposure to the issue because every girl I've dated since my first kiss has been bi (including the one I'm seeing tomorrow!).

Everyone lands somewhere on the Kinsey scale spectrum, from gay to straight, and everyone is a little bi. Gay men can successfully have sex with women, and the opposite is probably true for any heterosexual man. They might not enjoy it as much, but it would work and it would be at least a little enjoyable. It helps that people are turned on by people in general.

You can appreciate when a woman is pretty and I can appreciate when a guy is pretty and we can both admit that pretty people are more pleasant to look at than unpretty ones, even if they're not the gender we're sexually attracted to. You may think that's totally different from being "a little bi", but it's not really. Sexuality isn't nearly so tidy as we wish.

I guess I can see one thing potentially more subversive about bisexuality than homosexuality-- it's no longer a question of choice. Bisexual people have the choice whether or not to act bisexually, so from a Christian morality standpoint I guess you could say practicing bisexuals are the worst sinners of all. Let's be clear about what choice there is, though, because being born bisexual is just as little of a choice as being gay or straight. Acting on it is the part where bisexuals are uniquely rich in options.

Being born with a bisexual orientation can be convenient if you're, say, going to an all-girls school, and less convenient for keeping friendships uncomplicated. I've heard a couple bisexual girls say they are just attracted to people, not gender, which might help minimize that complication. I've heard a different bisexual girl say she had multiple "types" and was only into those people. I've also heard people profess that they "liked everyone". In any case, it's still a complicating factor for having platonic friends.

There are also a lot of interesting associations with being bi. People think of bi girls in completely different terms from how they think of bi guys.

Bi guys are often thought of as "gay lite" because it's pretty common for young gay guys to call themselves bi while on their way out of the closet before eventually honestly calling themselves totally gay. Even if people don't think of bi guys as being probably just gay, there is a lot more prejudice about it-- probably for the same reasons there is more prejudice about being gay and male than as a lesbian and with the added ingredient of confusion that bisexuality lends.

Bi girls, on the other hand, make a lot of people immediately think of threesomes. Apparently they get a lot more junk mail on OKCupid than pretty much anyone else. Of course, most bi girls are about as interested in threesomes as most straight girls, which is to say not really.

I admit I have a positive association with bi girls. Being out as bisexual means they've put some thought into their sexuality, which is an indication that they are open minded and comfortable with themselves (though it is no guarantee). It also means that there's the distinct possibility that I can talk with them about boobs or about how hot an actress on TV is. In short, bi girls have some of the perks of heterosexual guys while still being into guys. I'm no more concerned that a bi girl would cheat on me than that a straight one would-- being bi doesnt make someone fickle or flighty or even more sexual.

There's a good chance I will end up with a bi girl, so I'd like you to think long and hard about your problem with bisexuality. I cheerfully hope that you will no longer have that problem by the time I'm ready to marry somebody, whether or not that person is bi.

Cheers and love